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WHEN MONOBROWS MEET…

Over the years, there have been some monumental meetings of minds. Titanic struggles between monstrous egos. When two like-minded people, each at the top of their game, meet, sparks can and often do, fly. Take Mohammed Ali and George Formby’s explosive ‘rumble in the jungle’. Or the historic cat and mouse interview between Former US President Nixon and David Frost. Even the dramatic courtroom clash between Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson in ‘A few good men’.
OK, so that last one was in a film, but I’m sure there have been a few other decent ding-dongs in the past, it’s just that I can’t think of any others at the moment.
However, none of these come close to the day that two of the most famous frontmen in music ran into one another recently.

Here, for the first time ever is the story of that fateful day in London, when Mark met Liam…



Long Acre, WC2, is a busy, bustling area in central London. Book-ended by Leicester Square and Covent Garden, it boasts many shops, pubs and boutiques, often frequented by the rich and famous. Exactly the sort of place you would find The High Barnets’ frontman Mark O’Hare swanning about on a pleasant September afternoon.

Wearing a cream, leather-look jumpsuit, brown knee high zip up boots with a little kitten heel, smartly topped off with a cardboard pirate hat, Mark was cutting a dash as he strode purposefully through central London. He would occasionally stop and happily autograph various shopping receipts, parking tickets and tits for his admiring public.

This was very thirsty work, as you can imagine, so Mark opened up his diamante clutch bag to see if he had enough change for a half of pear cider and some BBQ flavour peanuts. Finding he had some small change, he headed for the Sussex Arms. As he went to push the door, it was pulled open, and there, framed by the heavy oak doors was none other than Oasis frontman and fellow monobrowed monkey, Liam Gallagher. For what seemed like an eternity, the two singers stared at one another, each recognising the talent that stood before them. On reflection, Mark said it was ‘like looking into a mirror’.

There was an awkward ‘brow-off’, with each frontman eyeing up the other. Liam finally broke the icy silence. “Allright, our kid?” he asked.
“Yeah. You?” Mark replied.
“Mad fer it.” answered Liam.
“What you up to?” asked Mark.
“Goin’ to fookin’ Germany. Laters” said Liam.
And with that, he brushed past Mark and out into the crisp September sun-shee-ine.
It was then that Mark saw firsthand the infamous Liam Gallagher swagger or ‘bowl’, the practice of walking along almost sideways like a crab whilst looking like you have an imaginary pair of milk-laden coconuts swinging from your testicles.

“Nice bowl, Liam! You want salad with it?” Shouted Mark.
Liam’s reply was drowned out by the click-clack and high-pitched whirring of a gaggle of Japanese tourists’ cameras as they spotted Mark.

As Mark recovered from the strobing flashes of the cameras, he looked back down the street to where Liam had bowled, but he had ducked into a Marks and Spencer’s food hall.
Mark was left pondering on what had just happened.
Two great singers, two great frontmen. Two eyebrows between them.

 

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© The High Barnets 2008