I’ve got a Terrible Cold

Instead of banging on about how good the Barnet’s are we need to remind everyone of our worst gig ever! It’s one of the very few nights we have all come off stage, looked at each other and thought…that was shit, glad that’s over. We have had very few nights like this but there is one in particular, which really stands out.

The Walton Working Men’s Club didn’t appeal to any of us really and our fears were confirmed the moment we battled our way in through the high security doors. Kids break dancing on the dance floor, gold watches for sale at the bar and the local Women’s OAP Smoking Club were in for the night and looking forward to the Bingo call of two fat ladies, eighty eight. Phoenix Nights here we go! So as we struggled our way through the blue rinses and Lambert and Butler smoke rings to the stage, we set up our gear under the glow of the swirling glitter ball and red velvet curtains (which as the manager kept pointing out must be kept closed at all times).

Then the evening just got better. Mark turned up and before we all managed to even say hello he pronounced “I’ve got a terrible cold, won’t be able to sing many tonight” (the dreadful neck scarf gave it all away). Bit of a problem though when he is the front man. But as the show must go on we rearranged the set list, forced a few brandies down his neck (although he didn’t need much help there) and on we went.

The first set was a shocker and even the songs that you find fairly easy to play suddenly seemed difficult. It was hard to work out if it was the shocking discovery of lack of practice or the sheer magnitude of the venue which caught us out but we were definitely not helped by the Light and Bitter drinkers at the bar. Fortunately for us we had a number of our hardcore listeners and friends to keep us going – Stormys family, Toni’s fan club and some mates who didn’t have far to stagger home. As the evening went on and Marks voice continued to get worse (he had a terrible cold remember) we decided in true Walton Club Land It’s a Knockout style to play our joker for the night. On came Andy Webb to play some of the finest harmonica the Working Men’s Club has ever heard. Talk about liven the place up and give us a lift as well. From then on it was the Barnet’s back on form and we cruised through the final few numbers with everyone’s favourite grand finale Suspicious Minds bringing the house down and setting those blue rinse hairdo’s (or don’ts) on fire.

Relief for us that it was all over as drumsticks were packed away, guitars thrown aside and amps switched off. But hang on, there’s an impostor on stage and the mikes are still on. No, don’t worry, it’s only the manager from the Oriental Curry Centre with a few words and a quick tune. Thanks to him for his cracking rendition of Please Don’t Go…his drunken stupidity and dancing sent everyone home in a good mood and with a smile on his or her face.

All we can say to everyone who turned up that night is sorry…but he did have a terrible cold!!

By the way Oriental Curry Centre Manager……..that night was recorded on to Betamax video. We want a free curry or you are going on Beadle!!!!

 

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© The High Barnets 2008